I wish I were so special...

(This was inspired by a song that goes something like this (the chorus): You're so very special... I wish I were special... But I'm a creep...)

that, when driving, my turn signal is a permit to switch lanes without regard to the other vehicles on the road.
that I can drive ten miles per hour below the speed limit on a two-lane, no-passing road when I'm within five miles of my destination.
that I can drive at 55 miles per hour in the fast-lane of a four-lane highway.
that I can walk in front of moving cars in a parking lot like I'm looking for lost change.
that I can treat customers like crap and still make a profit.
that I can completely ban a category of information because a small, ignorant, extremely vocal, segment of the population will be offended.
that I can look down on anyone who is not of my caliber.
that I can make decisions regarding an issue about which I am completely ignorant.
that I can walk around in public with my nose in the air just because I'm so freaking Special.
that I can cut someone off on the road and act like nothing happened.
that I can spend all of my political career banning everything possible, all the while getting weekly hand-jobs from my favorite hooker at some seedy motel and paying for my much-too-young lovers' abortions.
that I know everyone shares my philosophy.
that my age lets me get away with murder.
that I can honestly believe that my vote doesn't count.
that money makes me a superior human.
that knowing who the Visigoths were makes me Extra Special.
that I can sit on my ass and discuss the real world as though I know of what the hell I speak, when I've never actually been in the real world.
that scoring well on an I.Q. test actually means I'm smarter than most people.
that I have no "vices."
that I have no inferior faults.
that meeting my society's standards can make me happy.

Back to Moles and Trolls, where the appetizer is Mole Pate and the main course is Troll Cordon Bleu.